Me

Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror, eye to eye, and had a mental conversation with yourself? I’m going to be honest with you, those personal conversations with yourself can be anywhere from boring, uplifting, and even uncomfortable. During these conversations, I notice tiny details like the bags under my eyes, or the freshest blemish on my face. A long running conversation that I’ve had over the years ties into the discussion of how I ended up where I am in the present moment. What am I?

There are also moments when I contemplate what I am doing with my life, which normally transition into a reflection or an absorption of the consequences of my actions. It’s almost as if, we are similar to a slow soaking sponge and the consequences of our actions over time seep into our very being. Once we are full, we expell that build up in a bunch of ways. I see a lot of those reflections with emotional posts across the social media realm. Personally, I self motivate to improve and progress in the necessary directions. I think that this explusion of liquid consequence could be a discussion point of where ‘regret’ originates and how it can fester. I’m sure thats a topic for another day. I can’t really speak to where this realization of introspection comes from, but I think it’s necessary to answer the question of ‘What am I?’

We are the products of our actions, as well as our ancestors actions before us. If you think of yourself as an equation, you would be the product of your history. Consider this other equation, in order for you to be born you needed: 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grandparents, 16 second great-grandparents, 32 third great-grandparents, 64 fourth great-grandparents, 128 fifth great-grandparents, 256 sixth great-grandparents, 512 seventh great-grandparents, 1,024 eighth great-grandparents, 2,048 ninth great-grandparents etc. In order to go back 12 full generations, you must include 4,094 ancestors spanning over about 400 years….and that’s not including the influences of Aunt’s, Uncles, siblings and many others! Quite the equation don’t you think? Try munching on that for a while, and understand that again YOU are the result. There have been insurmountable sacrifices, success, failures, and personal battles that have been fought throughout YOUR history. What will you do with that? How will you use that information? What more can you learn from your past?

WE are living histories….and each of us aren’t anymore interesting or important than another. That’s the mindset I’ve gained in my experiences with others of the human race, I will never know everything in regards to another person’s equation. All I can hope to do is make things a little better. I want to add positively to each person’s equation for as long as I can.

With that, I’m announcing a little bit of a change to this blog. I will do my best to start a weekly post that delves into my personal journaling that I’ve done since I was 8 years old. I’ll post here, parts of my journaling experience, to hopefully allow a virtual record of my part of the equation. I’m sure that I’ll have other posts along the way here and there so don’t worry, you’ll still get the mind puke. I will also preface that these journal posts will be focused on events that have occurred in my life, not necessarily all the nitty gritty details, but an account of how things happened and how I grew and felt.

Thank you all for reading!